Dating as a Christian Woman

Oof… I’m not even sure where to start with writing this one.

Because divorce as a Christian woman is complicated enough. Add dating as a Christian single mom into the mix? It becomes this strange combination of hope, guilt, curiosity, fear, excitement, loneliness, and prayer all tangled together.

And I want to be careful with this story. Respectful of my journey. Respectful of my children. Respectful of my ex-husband. But also honest — because I know I cannot possibly be the only woman walking through this.

After my divorce, I found myself wondering something I never thought I’d wonder:

What else is out there?

I live in a small town. I’ve watched people meet online and end up in beautiful, healthy relationships. So I thought… maybe this is how people meet now. Maybe God could even use something like this.

So I downloaded the apps.

And let me just say this as someone who had essentially never dated before…

It was awkward. Uncomfortable. Sometimes terrifying.

I’m pretty sure I aged five years trying to figure out what “swipe left” meant.

Complete strangers asking you to “tell them about yourself” feels oddly similar to being interviewed for a job you didn’t apply for. And the small talk? Exhausting. Half the time I wanted to say, “Can we skip ahead to whether you love Jesus and can communicate emotionally?”

But beneath the humor, there was something deeper happening in my heart.

At first, it started as curiosity. Then it slowly became a cycle.

I would download the apps, talk to people, go on dates… and then feel this overwhelming conviction. Not shame. Not condemnation. Just this quiet tug from God saying:

“Why are you carrying this yourself?”

So I would pause the apps.

And then loneliness would creep in. Or boredom. Or fear that maybe if I didn’t keep trying, I’d miss my chance.

So I would unpause them again.

Then the conviction would return. And I would pause them again.

This cycle continued for a couple of months.

And I want to be very clear about something: I do not think online dating is wrong.

I actually think it can be a wonderful thing. A beautiful way to meet people you may never otherwise cross paths with. I know incredible couples who met that way.

But for me personally, God was asking me to do something different.

He was exposing how badly I wanted control.

Because if I’m honest, swiping felt productive. It felt like I was helping God. Like I was doing my part to “find my person.”

But that’s the thing about surrender — we love it in theory until God asks us to surrender the thing we deeply desire.

And for me, that was this.

God gently started asking me:

“Do you trust Me with your future… or just the parts you can’t manipulate yourself?”

Ouch.

Because I have trusted Him with so many areas of my life. My career. My parenting. My healing. My ministry. My writing.

So why was this the one thing I kept trying to take back into my own hands?

And maybe that’s what this season is really teaching me:

Obedience is not passive. Trust is not passive.

Choosing to step back, pray, wait, and trust God with my future husband — if marriage is even what He has for me — has actually required far more faith than endlessly searching ever did.

Some days that surrender feels peaceful. Other days it feels painfully lonely.

But I’m learning that loneliness is not the same thing as abandonment.

God is still present here too.

And maybe this season isn’t about God withholding love from me. Maybe it’s about Him teaching me that I never needed to chase what He is fully capable of bringing into my life in His perfect timing.

So for now?

Keep praying. Keep healing. Keep becoming. Keep trusting.

And if God wants to write a love story for me someday, I want it to be one I never had to force.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

With faith, — Naureen