Independent… But Not by Choice

One of the comments I hear most often is, “You’re so independent.”

Sometimes it’s followed by, “You’re such an inspiration.”

First, thank you. Truly. If my life encourages another woman who’s walking through divorce, healing from heartbreak, or simply waiting longer than she expected for the right person, then I’m grateful God can use my story.

But can I be honest about something?

Independence isn’t always as glamorous as people make it sound.

Some of it is simply who I’ve always been. I’ve never been afraid to work hard, make decisions, or figure things out. But a lot of my independence wasn’t something I chose — it was something life required me to learn.

When life changes unexpectedly, you adapt.

You learn to make the phone calls, take the trips, fix the problems, sit at the restaurant, attend the concert, or walk into the event even when no one is walking beside you.

Eventually, those things stop feeling impossible.

People often see the confidence.

What they don’t always see is that confidence was built one uncomfortable step at a time.

One of the fears I’ve wrestled with is whether being independent makes it harder to find someone.

I’ve heard the comments.

“Men want to feel needed.”

Maybe there’s some truth to that. Maybe there isn’t. I don’t know.

What I do know is this:

I don’t want to need someone.

And I don’t want someone to need me.

I need God.

That’s where my security comes from.

What I want is something entirely different.

I want to wake up every morning and choose someone.

Not because my life falls apart without them.

Not because they’re responsible for my happiness.

But because out of all the people in the world, they’re the person I want to build a life with. And I hope they would choose me just as intentionally.

There’s a big difference between wanting someone and needing someone.

Need can become dependency.

Want is a daily decision.

I think that’s a healthier foundation for love.

That doesn’t mean I love doing everything alone.

Not even close.

If you asked me whether I’d rather experience a concert, a vacation, a random Tuesday night, or the ordinary moments of life with the right person…

Of course I would.

God created us for relationship.

But while I’m waiting for the right person, I refuse to stop living.

I’m not going to leave places unexplored, experiences unlived, or memories unmade because my story doesn’t look the way I thought it would.

Last night, I drove four hours by myself to see my favorite band.

People asked if I was nervous.

A younger version of me probably would have been.

Instead, I found myself praying during the drive, thanking God for the opportunity, asking Him for safe travels, and simply praying that if He wanted me to cross paths with anyone that night, He’d make it happen.

He answered that prayer in ways I never expected.

Before the concert even started, I had found an entire little community of strangers who became friends for the evening. They watched out for me, included me, laughed with me, and even made sure I got safely back to my hotel.

It reminded me of something I think we all need to hear.

The world is still full of good people.

Sometimes we’re just too afraid to meet them.

I don’t consider myself a feminist.

I don’t believe this is about proving women don’t need men.

I believe it’s about encouraging women not to put their lives on hold while they’re waiting.

Travel.

Take the class.

Go to the concert.

Eat at the restaurant.

Start the conversation.

Stretch yourself beyond what feels comfortable.

Because confidence doesn’t come from never being afraid.

It comes from discovering, over and over again, that God is faithful wherever He leads you.

And maybe one day I’ll share those experiences with a husband.

I hope I do.

But until then, I’m going to keep living the life God has given me instead of waiting for someone else to give me permission to live it.

That’s not independence for the sake of independence.

That’s stewardship.

It’s trusting that the life God has placed in front of me today is worth embracing, even while I pray for what may come tomorrow.

— Naureen